Learning how to pray

Well it only took 50 years but I think that I am on the verge of really learning how to pray!   Being brought up Catholic, we memorize prayers.  Rarely do we stop to think about the nature of the prayer or what the prayers means, we have just said it so much that it becomes second nature.  The prayers that we say in church have remained pretty much the same since I was a kid (and that was a long time ago).  Growing up, we said a prayer before meals and it was usually the "Bless us our Lord for these thy gifts" prayer and then when I was a teenager, that prayer changed.  My Dad started saying the prayer and it was something that he made up.  This was a really unique way to pray compared to the rest of our Catholic friends.  The times we spent the night at my grandparents house and how we would have to kneel down by the cross after dinner and say the rosary with them.  I really never understood why we did that until I recently figured out that many people do not know how to pray so saying memorized prayer was the only way.

Over the past 20 years while I have been searching around every corner possible to find a deeper meaning to GOD, I have found that the way that we pray says everything about the way we percieve GOD in our life. For years when I pray I usually thank GOD for the good things in my life and ask for the bad things to change.  Things like praying for a way to get a new car because the one I have is falling apart or praying for a way to get out of a financial mess.  When people have asked me to pray for someone who is sick or who has fallen on bad times, I would stop and say a prayer asking GOD that they get better.  I have also fallen into the habit of thinking that I know what is wrong with someone else and asking GOD to fix them.  This has happened many times in my marriage.  It is like "If he would just be more _________ (fill in the blank) I know that we would have a better marriage.  Please GOD, help him to be that way."  And, of course, do not let me leave out those times of being scared to death about something and begging GOD to get me through it.  This is typically the way I have prayed for the last 30 years. 

Then I read something somewhere that closed the gap for me.  Here is the question.  Why would GOD have anything to do with any request made by us that has to do with our worldly self instead of our heavenly self?  That is when I realized that the way I was praying was not quite right.  Mind you, praying, in itself is never wrong because you are acknowledging GOD and his power over us as well as showing faith in GOD.  That can never be wrong.  However, when you pray about "heavenly" things, you truly believe that your purpose here on earth is to get to heaven and how you get to heaven is by living a life of service to GOD. 

So lets see how this changes things. 

In asking for a way to get a new car, that simply is a prayer for my worldly self.  My heavenly self would pray, Dear God, I know you have my best interests at heart and will put the right opportunities in front of me for me to get around in this world.  Thank you for the vehicle I now have and the many uses and years it has given me. Help me to find your people that need transportation so that I may be of service to you in helping them get around in this world.

In asking to get out of a financial mess, also a prayer for my worldly self.  My heavenly self would pray, Dear God, forgive me for the mistakes I have made with money in my life.  Please change me in the way I think of money when it has to do with my importance in this world.  Please change me to use any excess of money that comes my way not in selfish ways but in ways that help me serve you better and to help serve the needs of others that do not have enough. 

When asked to pray for someone that is sick, my worldly self would ask GOD to make them better.  But I have faith to know that GOD has a plan for everyone and that GOD knows what is best, not me.  So my heavenly self would ask GOD that this person who is sick become closer to GOD and know GOD better as a result of this illness.  Praying for our body or anyone else's is a worldly thing.  The same holds true for someone falling on hard times.  Praying for them to not have hard times anymore is what we want for them but might not be GOD'S plan for them.  Asking GOD that they become more faithful and closer to HIM through their strife, is a heavenly prayer. 

Recently, a good friend of mine told me that when people ask her to pray for someone, she always says that she will but then doesn't.  This happens to me also and I would suspect happens to many others.  But here is the thing...when someone asks you pray for someone else or you tell someone else that you will keep them in your prayers, in essence what you are doing is making a statement that you do believe in a higher power and that you believe in having faith in your higher power to help you through your life.  It is an acknowledgement to another thay you believe faith with help you and help them., and that, my friend is heavenly!

Praying that another person changes is a worldly prayer.  It is laced with our judgement of what is right and wrong.  We are not the judge here, only GOD is.  To make our prayer heavenly would be to ask GOD to soften our heart to that person and to change us to be more loving and more accepting of them.  How many times I have asked GOD to please make my husband be a better husband and partner?  When I changed my prayer and asked GOD to help me be a more loving person and partner, things actually changed.  This is because when I asked GOD to make my husband better, that was placing judgement on him and that is worldly and has no room in GOD's kingdom.  But my asking to change me to be more loving is what GOD's kingdom is all about.

Now, for the times when I am scared to death and pleading with GOD, that also can change.  Praying in a heavenly way is to simply say, "GOD, I know you are with me and by my side right now.  I feel your love and I know you will be with me whatever the outcome may be from this.  Please let this experience grow my love for you."

Can you see the shift? 

Last day of the fifth decade of my life!

Yep, it is almost here!  Tomorrow is the first day of the sixth decade of my life!  Wow!  It is not sad in any way, in fact it is exuberant!  You just know that life is going to feel different.  Like what was soooo important for the first 5 decades is gone and now I am free to just live my life, on my terms in my way.  No one to impress anymore, no one to compete with anymore, no needing to prove that I am right anymore, no more living under someone else's rule, no more having sex if you don't want to, no more losing weight for a special occasion, no more spending time on anything or anyone that you do not want, always a daughter but no longer your parents child, no more focusing on the outer parts, now the focus is on the inner soul.  For some reason, this just seems to be the right time to make these changes!

God has blessed me with so much!  Not that what I have been blessed with will be easily recognized by others in this "loving things instead of people consumerism" world we live in right now.  It just doesn't matter if it is recognized by anyone else as long as I recognize it!

I have been blessed by a very large family with so many different personalities and gifts.  I have parents who are both still living and as well as all six of my siblings two brothers and four sisters.  We enjoy a good family life together, help each other out when it is needed and celebrate our spirituality with each other. 

I have been blessed with many nephews (13) and two neices on my side of the family who I have had the pleasure to watch them grow and become the wonderful people they are.  I am the Godparent of my nephew Drew and niece MaryBeth and have always felt very special to have been chosen for that role.  I pray for them always and keep a special place in my heart open for them.

I have 15 nieces and nephews on my husband's side of the family.  I haven't been able to watch them grow because by the time I came into the family, they were pretty much grown.  They are all very special to me.

I have been blessed with seven sister in laws and seven brothers in law all of whom I love and care for very much.  I have tow sister in laws that I am very close to and really treasure the friendships that we share.  I always look forward to family functions on both sides because I like to spend time with all the family. 

I have been blessed with the most wonderful friends that any girl could ask for.  Friends from a very long time ago to friends that I have just recently met.  Friends who really see and understand and celebrate me!  My life has been very colorful because of my friends and as I get older, I cherish each one of them more and more.  My friends and family have gotten me through some very dark times where I think I would have folded without them.

I have been blessed with good neighbors everywhere I have lived.  Neighbors who always look out for me and make me feel safe.  Some of them have been so precious to me that they will be my friends forever!

I have been blessed with awsome Aunts, Uncles and cousins as well as extended families on Leonard's side.  At various times in my life they have all played such important roles for me and I am so happy to have them all in my life. 

I have been blessed with two beautiful sons, each different in their own right.  They have precious personalities and are very good to their Mother.  They are helpful and challenging at the same time.  I would not trade any moment of any day that I am with them for anything in this world!

I have been blessed with a Husband who somehow "gets"me.  As strange as I am and as idiotic that I can be, he still "gets" me.  Our married life together has not been easy but as we are growing older, our appreciation for one another is also growing. 
All in all, I feel like God has surrounded me with the most amazing people!  Isn't that what life is all about. 

The next time I write, I will be 50!

Change your Haircolor, change your life.

I had decided a while back that I was going to dye my hair red for my 50th birthday.  Yes, the big fifty is just 3 days away!  On August 16th I dyed my well known Blonde hair to red.  I was born a redhead and have the features (and some say temperment) of a redhead.  My hair turned blonde when I was about 4 and stayed that way naturally until I was about 47.  Then I started getting blonde highlights.  When I picked the shade of red that I wanted, I decided to go with a color that was not really, really red.  I was too scared to do that.  The day I had it done, it was really, really red.  So much so that when I went past a mirror, I did not recognize who I was.  Then after a couple of days, it started fading and, if I do say so myself, looked really good.  It looked really natural, like this was the color I was always supposed to be. 

Now I have not recieved a compliment on my hair for years but everyone was commenting on it.  I didn't even care if it was a good comment, I was just happy to be noticed!  I was just loving it!  I have just felt a sense of confidence that I have not felt for a long time.  My sister Sue said that she thought it took alot of guts to do.  And I will admit, it did!  My friend Colleen, looked at me, really looked at me and I knew she liked it.  I just felt so good.  Last week, my brother in law, Lyle, had his 50th birthday.  As a gag, I bought him some "Just for Men" dark brown hair dye.  He is all gray righr now.  I told him is was a gag, but that the box and its contents were real.  I found out that he used it and dyed his hair.  I know he was feeling like he needed a change and that was an easy change.  I haven't seen him yet, but I promise that when I see him, I am going to really look at him.  The night of his birthday, we all went to the casino and I won big time.  I guess my red hair has also brought me blessings. 

It is as if I feel like I am who I am originally supposed to be!