On Feb. 27 my Mom gave me a video tape of walking excersize. I do not know if she asked me if I wanted it or not but I did pick it up from her and I remember thinking that this would not work either. I started doing the 2 mile walking video on Feb 28th. I could only do 12 minutes of the 30 minute video the first day. But guess what, somehow I could do this work out. I gradually did more minutes until I was able to do the whole 30 minute tape. I have done it everyday for the last month except on Sundays. Why is this working for me when nothing else did for the last 10 years? This is what I think. I get up at 6:00 in the morning on weekdays. My kids leave for school at two different times. One leaves at 6:45 and the other at 7:25. I used to get up and go sit in my chair in front of the TV while they were getting ready. I would fall asleep while they got ready for school. Then I would meditate for an hour after they left and started my day. When I decided to start excersizing, I wanted it to replace a time for me that I was not really doing anything and this seemed like the perfect time of day. Last week the kids were on Spring break and even though it was tempting to just "sleep in", I got myself up and did my thirty minutes.
After doing this routine for a month, it has become pretty easy. I still sweat profusely but it takes a shorter period of time for me to cool down. I have noticed so many changes in my body. No one else has noticed, but that is OK. I am not doing this for anyone else. I am doing this for me because I want my body to be able to move. I
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Faith and Trust in the LORD
As I sit at my kitchen table, I feel a twinge of fear starting to wave over me. I am trying to figure out how this money thing, or lack thereof, is going to work until next month on the tenth. I am still not working because the woman I take care of is recooperating from a fall in a rehab center. Nothing has yet to come my way and I am not seeing anything on the horizon. I am trying to draw from these things that I know. GOD can change any situation around even when it seems to the human mind there is no other way. GOD is in charge of all that is UNSEEN. Just because I can not see a way through this doesn't mean that my supernatural GOD can't either. In fact, there is NOTHING that my supernatural GOD can not do!
It is times like this that I get upset about my apparent lack of faith. I should know what I know because I know what I know and know that my LORD is in front of me, leading the way. Why is this so hard for me to do? The past and whatever happened in it is gone but why do I keep finding myself in this spot? I am so sorry my dear GOD that I am not better at this. Why do I fret because I can not see the way through this myself? This situation is bigger than me but it is not bigger than my GOD! Come on, right now I really need to let go and let GOD! Lead me LORD, lead me LORD! I will follow whatever path you lay for me. I know you are going before me to make sure that I can make it through. My life is in Your very capable hands. The glorious hands of GOD are upon my life. Thank you, dear Lord that your favor is upon me. Please help me to stop sending out these negative vibes that accompany fear. Help me change, my dear Lord and Savior. This world can be a scary place when you have very little money but I do not want to be scared anymore. I want to trust in YOU and know that YOU are in charge! Please help me!
Well, writing this certainly has helped some of the fear I was feeling subside. Now I just need to hang on to this feeling. I know that things are going to turn around for us because GOD is in charge!
It is times like this that I get upset about my apparent lack of faith. I should know what I know because I know what I know and know that my LORD is in front of me, leading the way. Why is this so hard for me to do? The past and whatever happened in it is gone but why do I keep finding myself in this spot? I am so sorry my dear GOD that I am not better at this. Why do I fret because I can not see the way through this myself? This situation is bigger than me but it is not bigger than my GOD! Come on, right now I really need to let go and let GOD! Lead me LORD, lead me LORD! I will follow whatever path you lay for me. I know you are going before me to make sure that I can make it through. My life is in Your very capable hands. The glorious hands of GOD are upon my life. Thank you, dear Lord that your favor is upon me. Please help me to stop sending out these negative vibes that accompany fear. Help me change, my dear Lord and Savior. This world can be a scary place when you have very little money but I do not want to be scared anymore. I want to trust in YOU and know that YOU are in charge! Please help me!
Well, writing this certainly has helped some of the fear I was feeling subside. Now I just need to hang on to this feeling. I know that things are going to turn around for us because GOD is in charge!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Compassion instead of Judgement
Over the past several months our financial life has been extremely difficult. During the Christmas holidays my parents, siblings and their spouses were extremely generous to us in helping us get through the holidays with some financial assistance for which I am so very grateful. On the other side of that is the exposure, once again, of others "knowing our business" which can be really hard. Why, do you say, should that be hard? It is hard because you are exposed to every one's opinion of what you should or shouldn't do or what is appropriate or inappropriate given your financial difficulty. I am sure, just as I write this, that you know exactly what I am talking about.
Over this past weekend, my two sons went over to my brother and sister-in-law's house to play games with my nephew. When they got into the car when I picked them up, my younger son was very upset by something his Aunt said to him. We are in the process of taking care of a friends dog while she is in rehab and my sons are very excited about it. They were telling their Aunt that we were going to have a dog and she immediately started saying that we had no business getting a dog because we could not afford it and dogs cost alot of money, money that we do not have so we should not get the dog. It burst my sons excitement and made him feel bad.
When he told me about this, my first reaction was one of being "pissed". How dare she judge us on what we can and can not do or have? I was ready to fight! And then I suddenly realized that I was looking in a mirror. How many times have I done the same thing? When things were financially good for us, how many people did I pass judgement on and talk about. How many times was I the "expert" on someone else's down and out experience and verbalized to others what they should have done? How many times did I use someone else's financial probleams as a way to "pump" myself up? I will tell you that I have been soooooo
judgemental of people who found themselves in situations that "none of us smart people" would ever find ourselves in. Now it makes me sick!
It hurts when others are judging our situation because unless you know every square inch of it, you don't really know it. It is so easy to think that we can set our lives up so that nothing bad ever happens to us, it only happens to those who are not smart enough to stop it from happening. Judging others makes compassion for them impossible. It separates us from each other in such a cruel way. I truly want my judgement of others to cease. I want it to be replaced with love and compassion. This is what I ask GOD today to change in me!
If you are wondering how I responded to my son...I told him that human beings judge one another but that it is only GOD's job to judge. I told him to not be offended with what others say and that we are called to love the people even when they say or do something mean. I asked him if he could do that and he said he would try. It is all I want for him, to just try!
Over this past weekend, my two sons went over to my brother and sister-in-law's house to play games with my nephew. When they got into the car when I picked them up, my younger son was very upset by something his Aunt said to him. We are in the process of taking care of a friends dog while she is in rehab and my sons are very excited about it. They were telling their Aunt that we were going to have a dog and she immediately started saying that we had no business getting a dog because we could not afford it and dogs cost alot of money, money that we do not have so we should not get the dog. It burst my sons excitement and made him feel bad.
When he told me about this, my first reaction was one of being "pissed". How dare she judge us on what we can and can not do or have? I was ready to fight! And then I suddenly realized that I was looking in a mirror. How many times have I done the same thing? When things were financially good for us, how many people did I pass judgement on and talk about. How many times was I the "expert" on someone else's down and out experience and verbalized to others what they should have done? How many times did I use someone else's financial probleams as a way to "pump" myself up? I will tell you that I have been soooooo
judgemental of people who found themselves in situations that "none of us smart people" would ever find ourselves in. Now it makes me sick!
It hurts when others are judging our situation because unless you know every square inch of it, you don't really know it. It is so easy to think that we can set our lives up so that nothing bad ever happens to us, it only happens to those who are not smart enough to stop it from happening. Judging others makes compassion for them impossible. It separates us from each other in such a cruel way. I truly want my judgement of others to cease. I want it to be replaced with love and compassion. This is what I ask GOD today to change in me!
If you are wondering how I responded to my son...I told him that human beings judge one another but that it is only GOD's job to judge. I told him to not be offended with what others say and that we are called to love the people even when they say or do something mean. I asked him if he could do that and he said he would try. It is all I want for him, to just try!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
GOD carrying me through!
Doesn't it seem, at times, that when it rains, it pours! I often wander about these times in life when things just seem to pile up and I try to see the lessons to be learned. After, once again, going through a really tough financial strain for the past two months, it became worse (although I thought it could not be possible) when the elderly lady that I care for, fell and ended up in the hospital. My job is caring for her and with one swift move, my job was over. If she recovers, it will be months before she will come home. I felt that familiar panic set in and did my best to stave off the fear that was building up inside me. A voice from within told me this time I need to have faith and not fear!
It seems that this pattern has come into play so many times in my life. I wonder if the same holds true for others. It may not be about finances but perhaps something else. I can't help but feel that it keeps happening to me because I am somehow bringing it to me. Through my pattern of thought and the history of my fears, somehow, I was bringing this to me! It is the same routine. Some financial bad news comes and I react in a sheer panic, "What will we do, how will we ever make it through this!" Then my mind starts churning of how to make this work. How do I cut even more when we were already at the very edge? Then I talk to GOD and tell him that I trust HIM and even suggest ways for HIM to get us out of this! Trying desparately to have faith that GOD will come through for us but not really feeling it. Scared, frightened, lonely and sad. Then getting to the point where I think we weathered the storm only to be hit again.
Determined to not let the same old patterns set in for me, I decided to change the way I handle this storm. I truly decided to put it in GOD'S hands and to know that everything was going to be OK. I also discovered that one of the reasons I have, in the past, made it seem like I was so upset about my financial situation and that the situation was desparate was because I did not want to shut off the possiblity of recieving help. It was like if I admitted that things were rough and was sad and upset about it, others would want to help me. But if I showed and spoke of faith and declared that I was at peace knowing that GOD would help me, no one would help me. I almost can not believe that this is what I was doing. That was the epitomy of faithlessness!
Then there came upon us, yet another storm! My husbands car, which we tremendously depended on, stopped working. It was almost too much for me to bear. The feeling of giving up ran rampant through my veins. How could this happen when we were already on the edge? Again, I felt myself fighting for faith as my very limited human brain thought of who, what, when and how may be able to help us. It then became so overwhelming to me that I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK GOD TO HANDLE IT! I know deep down inside that GOD doesn't want us to use HIM as a last resort but as the first resort we turn to. How could I have lived 50 years and still not get that?
Now, I had to ask for forgiveness. Please, dear GOD, forgive me for having so little faith. Why did I have so little faith? I meditated about the answer for that question. I realized that when we were going through our financial strain in 2009 when we lost our house, that I had at that time also asked GOD for help. All I could see was that the end result was in losing our house so, deep down inside, I felt that GOD did not help. Even though, I would not have admitted that. Then I quickly realized, which I hadn't before, that GOD's help doesn't necessarily come in the form of avoidance of something "bad" happening to us, it comes from helping us get through it! When I look back on that time, I can see and acknowlege the many, many ways that GOD brought us through it. It was by the grace of GOD and his hands that we made it through it with our family in tact, our marriage in tact, our health in tact and many other things!
I have now learned to change the expectation of GODS help in my life. I feel even more at peace knowing that whatever it is that I go through in life, GOD is by my side carrying me through it all!
I know that GOD has great things in store for my life. I am open and ready for anything that HE needs from me. My life is HIS!
It seems that this pattern has come into play so many times in my life. I wonder if the same holds true for others. It may not be about finances but perhaps something else. I can't help but feel that it keeps happening to me because I am somehow bringing it to me. Through my pattern of thought and the history of my fears, somehow, I was bringing this to me! It is the same routine. Some financial bad news comes and I react in a sheer panic, "What will we do, how will we ever make it through this!" Then my mind starts churning of how to make this work. How do I cut even more when we were already at the very edge? Then I talk to GOD and tell him that I trust HIM and even suggest ways for HIM to get us out of this! Trying desparately to have faith that GOD will come through for us but not really feeling it. Scared, frightened, lonely and sad. Then getting to the point where I think we weathered the storm only to be hit again.
Determined to not let the same old patterns set in for me, I decided to change the way I handle this storm. I truly decided to put it in GOD'S hands and to know that everything was going to be OK. I also discovered that one of the reasons I have, in the past, made it seem like I was so upset about my financial situation and that the situation was desparate was because I did not want to shut off the possiblity of recieving help. It was like if I admitted that things were rough and was sad and upset about it, others would want to help me. But if I showed and spoke of faith and declared that I was at peace knowing that GOD would help me, no one would help me. I almost can not believe that this is what I was doing. That was the epitomy of faithlessness!
Then there came upon us, yet another storm! My husbands car, which we tremendously depended on, stopped working. It was almost too much for me to bear. The feeling of giving up ran rampant through my veins. How could this happen when we were already on the edge? Again, I felt myself fighting for faith as my very limited human brain thought of who, what, when and how may be able to help us. It then became so overwhelming to me that I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK GOD TO HANDLE IT! I know deep down inside that GOD doesn't want us to use HIM as a last resort but as the first resort we turn to. How could I have lived 50 years and still not get that?
Now, I had to ask for forgiveness. Please, dear GOD, forgive me for having so little faith. Why did I have so little faith? I meditated about the answer for that question. I realized that when we were going through our financial strain in 2009 when we lost our house, that I had at that time also asked GOD for help. All I could see was that the end result was in losing our house so, deep down inside, I felt that GOD did not help. Even though, I would not have admitted that. Then I quickly realized, which I hadn't before, that GOD's help doesn't necessarily come in the form of avoidance of something "bad" happening to us, it comes from helping us get through it! When I look back on that time, I can see and acknowlege the many, many ways that GOD brought us through it. It was by the grace of GOD and his hands that we made it through it with our family in tact, our marriage in tact, our health in tact and many other things!
I have now learned to change the expectation of GODS help in my life. I feel even more at peace knowing that whatever it is that I go through in life, GOD is by my side carrying me through it all!
I know that GOD has great things in store for my life. I am open and ready for anything that HE needs from me. My life is HIS!
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