It was a truly beautiful day yesterday. Mid February in St. Louis can either be three feet of snow or 65 degrees outside. Since we have had a very snowy winter, everyone could not wait to get out and enjoy the warm sun. I sat on the step outside my house and watched the cars go by. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I thought about the struggle we were facing with the need to get another car and our inability to do that simple thing. I watched all the other cars going by, newer than ours, and wondered why it seemed to be so easy for everyone else.
Over the last 7 years we have struggled so much financially. We have basically lost everything we had, money, our assets and our house. It has been so difficult to live this way that I truly can not describe it. We are a family of 4 trying to make it on $12.00 per hour. It is an almost impossible task, but God has definitely helped us through. I have come to the point where nothing of material value matters anymore. The one thing, though, is that in order for my husband to make that $12.00 per hour, he must be able to get to work which is located an hour away. In order to keep the travel affordable, we need a small, energy efficient car. We have one but the transmission just went out. Needless to say, the repair is beyond our means. So we have this dilemma. We can not go out and just buy a car because we do not have a down payment and we can not afford car payments (not to mention our credit is terrible).
My husband found a car that is a 1994 Dodge Colt for $800 cash. It just breaks my heart that this is the path we must take. I know that my husband is very leary about this car and doesn't have much faith in it, but I think he has his back against the wall and has to do what he has to do! I just have a hard time with the fact that I am almost 50 yrs. old and have to go through this.
Oh, dear God, please change me. Please change me so that this does not have an effect on me. I asked for you to help us with this situation and I must have faith that you will. Maybe you already have and I just am not seeing it that way. Please help me change the way I feel about the struggle in my life. I can not do this without your help. This is so beyond me. Please have mercy on me that I seem to envy the ease at which others are able to accumulate things that are difficult for me, just the things that I need. I do not know if it is OK to ask you to take away some of the struggle because you might have a purpose for it and I do not want to disrupt that. Please keep me in your love and change me in this matter.
Amen
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